Repelling Energy Vampires
Oct 28, 2024
“I vant to suck your positive energy…” ๐ง๐ปโ๏ธ
Not me, of course. The energy vampires (EV) lurking around you.
You've felt them at work or in your personal life - lying in wait amongst friend or family circles, in social or volunteer settings, strangers conversating loudly as you board a plane, they can show up any time, all year long - not just on All Hallows' Eve.๐คจ This isn't just for those who celebrate Halloween - if you have people in your life that leave you feeling drained, depleted emotionally and mentally after having spent time with them - this is for YOU. An EV (not an electric vehicle-bwahahaha) may say something like…
“I know you're swamped with deadlines, you look really overwhelmed but don't worry you'll figure it out, you always do. Which is why I'm here. I'd love your help with an executive initiative that I'm leading. Can you help me out by reviewing my presentation. I could use your expertise and I'm afraid this could make or break my career.” โ ๏ธโ ๏ธโ ๏ธ
Ever heard some variation of this? Does this seem unlikely? It's a conversation a client of mine had with a colleague - the energy vampire (who was not my client). How apropos for Halloween, and most importantly it's a powerful illustration of how paying attention to your energy can navigate and keep you on your own healthy path.
EVs show up differently in life. There are different types and not always easy to spot. It's easy to fall for EV charisma - it's part of most types. Charisma is the hook - think of the vampires' charisma in Dracula and Interview With A Vampire and, dare I say, Twilight. Here are some real life, common examples of EVs.
โ ๏ธ The victim - someone who is perpetually wronged in life and shares their woes all the time.
โ ๏ธ The dramatizer who loves being the center of attention at any cost, willing to blow things out of propotion to get attention (think “pot stirrer”).
โ ๏ธ The manipulator who is quite skilled at using emotional tactics (guilt, pity, flattery) to get what they want.
โ ๏ธ The narcissist always needing to be the most important person in the room, garnering admiration.
โ ๏ธ The blamer (aka finger-pointer) is proficient at holding anyone other than themselves accountable for their problems.
โ ๏ธ The criticizer who is fast on the draw to point out flaws and seldom has positive things to say.
โ ๏ธ The controller who has all the answers, no matter what the topic, and wants to tell everyone else what to do.
โ ๏ธ The dependent always asking for reassurance and support, helpless in making decisions for themselves and will drain you from their constant need of guidance.
Is a picture forming in your mind?
All types come down to this - it's a person who demands your attention, care and emotional support but doesn't give you anything in return - and sometimes they don't recognize it. EVs are takers - unlike a healthy relationship where there's give and take. You know you're in their presence when your energy feels overshadowed by a force of negativity, you're devoid of enthusiasm, and you thirst for rejuvenation. Think Harry Potter dementors who feed on human happiness, extracting the essence of joy from your soul, one breath at a time:o.
When you read this it may sound a bit over dramatic and unimaginable to give an EV that kind of power but their presence and effect can be subtle and sneak up on you like a vampire, impacting you beyond the exposure. This is supported by research that shows long term effects of interactions with energy vampires can lead to increased stress hormones like cortisol that can effect your sleep, mood, and immune system. Energy is contagious, negative draining energy as much as positive rejuvenating energy.
Have you ever (personally or professionally)
๐Seen the ‘bubbles pop up' on your phone and turn on DND (do not disturb) or sleep mode?
๐Dodged similar routes or events to avoid chance encounters with someone?
๐ Felt like your conversations with a person are either too dramatic or negative?
๐ Seen their name show up on your phone and click decline out of dread or lack of capacity to deal?
This could be your subconscious sending you signals that this person is draining your energy. You may feel stressed, worn out, a lack of enthusiasm, or even sad after spending time with this person.
Test it out next time you're around a possible EV
๐ Scan your body and energy next time you interact with this person. How do you feel - light, happy, energized after you interact with them, or drained, lack of enthusiasm, or exhausted?
*Not every conversation is meant to be “energizing”. If you feel less energy every time you interact with this person, take note how your energy fluctuates before and after the conversations.
What's The Trick To Protecting Yourself?
Protecting yourself is important for your health and for your clarity. It's not uncommon that people who drain our energy, EVs, are present in areas of our life where they can't be dismissed easily. When you are exposed to people who make you feel this way consistently in a professional or personal setting - sometimes difficult to avoid - it can feel intense, especially for those of you who, if you're like me, absorb the energy of the room easily or are sensitive.
Here's the trick (a tool that will last forever) to protect yourself, and how I helped my client protect herself from any EV she encounters.
Here's the trick (a tool that will last forever) to protect yourself, and how I helped my client protect herself from any EV she encounters.
1. Learn how to identify an EV. Identifying who in your life is an energy vampire is the first step in dealing with them. Review the sub-conscious actions you may be taking and scan your body (from above). As a recap, an EV is a person who
- Is overly negative
- Complains a lot about other people
- Criticizes and belittles you (in subtle or overt ways)
- Acts like a martyr
- Is often found in the center of drama and chaos
- Never takes accountability or responsibility
- Tries to “one-up” or prove they’re better/more successful than you
- Has to be the center of attention in social gatherings, meetings, presentations, special events
- Uses guilt, ultimatums, and intimidation to get what they want
2. Limit your time with them. Try and limit the amount of time you spend with them by intentionally shortening your interactions or when you see them. How can you create a plan to limit your time together?
3. Set clear boundaries with the person being loving, firm, and clear. Determine what behaviors you are willing to accept and communicate that to the person. Think of the types of people who drain your energy - what are the 3 most important boundaries to make for yourself? How can you communicate that?
4. Take care of YOU. Once you know the where and with whom this is happening, identify what activities would replenish your energy. What rejuvenates you - walking in nature, hobbies, practicing relaxation techniques, dancing, laughing with a friend? How can you incorporate them in your day starting TODAY.
