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Imagine this:
You’re soaring in your career. In your business.
You’ve checked the boxes. Climbed the ladder. Played the game.
On paper, it looks golden. Maybe people even envy you.
You're proud of all you accomplished, all you contributed.
But you know.
In the middle of the busiest day your inner wisdom pings you with a truth bomb - ok, maybe just a firecracker - but it's there. You feel it.
You know you’re still doing it for the wrong reasons.
- Fear of judgment.
- Hunger for approval.
- Pressure to keep the mask on.
A shiny, polished identity that earns applause… but leaves you invisible in your own life.
From the outside, it’s flawless.
On the inside, it feels fake.
Heavy.
Exhausting.
And that’s when the itch starts.
The whisper: “Is this all there is? Is this even me?”
That whisper is the beginning of an identity defining transition. The moment you realize: I’m living someone else’s version of ‘success’… and it’s eating me up inside.
Here’s the truth you don’t hear enough:
Doing the right thing for the wrong reasons isn’t failure.
It’s rehearsal.
It’s the bridge between who you’ve been told to be and who you’re meant to be.
It proves you’ve got the discipline, the grit, the work ethic. You’ve already mastered playing by the rules.
Now the question is: When do you stop performing and start living?
One of my clients nailed this tension.
On the surface, his career was textbook “success.”
An impeccable, high-caliber professional with unshakable standards. Within just three years, he went from managing a team of 10 to becoming a VP overseeing 15 teams.
But underneath? He stayed out of fear - fear of disapproval, fear of backlash, fear of stepping off the treadmill.
Stability became his prison.
That's why he started working with me:
‘I’ve done everything the ‘right way’.
I've followed what I thought was success, calibrated my skills and talent with companies where I could grow…and somehow it's all backed up on me in ways I never dreamed possible."
Together we reframed it.
We redefined the ‘stability’ he built for what it truly is - not a cage but a runway.
That same discipline, drive, and success became his launchpad for something bolder.
He didn’t abandon his strengths. He didn't erase his desires. He simply pivoted - redirecting where he is today toward a life he actually wanted.
That’s the shift:
From doing the right thing to keep others comfortable…
To doing the right thing because it’s finally aligned with you.
So how do you get there?
Awareness
Call out the fear.
Name the approval you’re chasing.
Stop lying to yourself.
Alignment
Ask: “If no one was watching, what would I choose?”
Action
Take one uncomfortable, gutsy step that’s yours - not theirs.
Doing the right thing for the wrong reasons is a warning sign.
Doing the right thing for your reasons?
That’s liberation.
That’s the real identity shift.
If this feels uncomfortably true… it probably is.
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