How To Manage Your Emotions Before You Speak

Rummaging through my desk drawer the interwoven wisdom from a 19th century spiritual master and a 20th century comedian found their way to the top of a plethora of colorful stickies of self-coaching tags, meaningful mantras, wise reminders, and sweet notes of encouragement. 

Before you speak, think.

Is it necessary, kind, true, will it hurt anyone, will it improve on the silence.

                              - Shirdi Sai Baba

Before you speak ask yourself:

What needs to be said?

Does it need to be said by me?

Does it need to be said now?

                                                 - Craig Ferguson

 Silence isn't just the absence of noise. It's a powerful tool that can show respect, encourage introspection, diffuse tension, reveal truths, and breath space between thoughts to create new ideas. Sometimes the most powerful sound is the sound of silence. It is the gap between a thought and the hook that prevents your mind spinning into intrusive thoughts that infiltrate your clarity. Silence is doing nothing. In doing nothing in that instance, you improve that moment.

 Effective communication includes knowing when to speak and when silence can improve the conversation. It only takes a moment, actually 3 seconds, to navigate responsively (deliberate and intentional), not reactionary (automatic and unconscious), during life's crucial, and not-so-crucial conversations. 

I invite you to practice this simple technique that will help you manage your emotions to prevent you from saying something you may regret, judge a situation too quickly, or decide you know what needs to be said and use your voice with assertion that what you say counts.

The next time before you speak take 3 seconds and ask yourself:

What needs to be said?

Does it need to be said by me?

Does it need to be said now?

Imagine how your communication would be impacted if you asked this critical inquiry before giving feedback, communicating unpopular information, responding to family opinion about how best to live your life, speaking up in a room of your peers, responding to criticism, writing a response to a stranger’s antagonistic comment in social media.

 Asking yourself these questions before you speak will help you improve on your communication. The awareness in the pause gives you time to respond with intention and confidence and helps regulate yourself to speak when it counts. It's a simple technique that helps you manage your emotions whether you are communicating personally or professionally.

 Important to point out that this is not encouraging you to stifle your voice in any way. Using these questions is a simple and powerful way to help you become more intentional about what you say and controlling your emotion before using your voice and not letting your emotions talk for you.

Imagine...

Everyday I use this technique.

Some days it’s the most empowering 3 seconds of my day. I hope asking yourself these questions before you speak helps you remain present to your emotions while using the power of your words, and the silence. 

Here's to improving on the silence and using your voice when it counts!